By Randy Lawrence
"Is it Friday? Wow, what a week! I thought I was supposed to be down here in Ohio to kind of take a vacay from hormonal madness. But noooooooooooooo... A big truck wheels in, I'm introduced to a brazen female from 'way outta town, and suddenly I'm supposed to...well...you know, 'Make Whoopie'.
Save the wisecracks. It ain't easy bein' stud dog me.
'Specially when they are really pushy like this one. I mean, I don't blame her. I got it all goin' on. But seriously! At one point, she was playing so rough I had to jump up on the dog house to escape. Not a dignified move in the least, but hey...enough is enough!
All the while in the background, the humans are talking in code, like they don't trust me to know what's really up. LH spikes. All kinds of numbers. Debating about ovulating... all as I'm over here getting a tail whipping up in my grill, dealing with rude confusion over who mounts whom and outrageous marking all over my playground area...and then, The Great Mystery clicks, everything gets crazy and BOOM!
Suddenly I can't move, I'm terrified that she's going to, and I'm like frantic, lookin' for my human. 'Dude! Lil' help over here?'
In a blink, he has hold of my collar and hers, telling me to chill, that it's all good.
'All good for you, maybe, you and the other human, grinning like fools and bumpin' knuckles...but do you understand what's happened here?'
It's weird...like I always forget about that awkward push-me/pull-you deal. It's part of the job, but take it from ol' Sethie - it AIN'T the good time part.
Afterward, there was happy talk and hand shakes between humans, lots of ear scratching for me, so I suppose we did ok, she and I. But I gotta tell ya...when the Other Human clipped a lead on that lady-what-wasn't-a-lady and walked her out to her truck, I was relieved to be back inside and racked on the cool kitchen floor.
I left a wake-up call for when it's time to go hang out with my boyz over in the main yard. I've never been a big kiss 'n' tell kinda dog, but there's a Pyrenees in there who acts like 'Great' is his first name. Can't wait for him to ask, 'Whaddya been doin' behind the house, Seth?'
Lemme tell you about great, white dog...